The Wandering Fox

Many times during our lives, we will be hurt by others. We will be harmed by strangers and loved ones alike. We will battle with distrust and doubt toward our fellow man. Our lives will be seared with the scars of physical and emotional pain left upon us. These scars will define us; but whether their definition strengthens or weakens us is ultimately our own doing.

The healing process begins with the acknowledgement and acceptance of one absolute truth:

Holding a grudge is a losing battle.
You need to get over it and move the fuck on.

A grudge is one of the heaviest and ugliest things you can carry with you. Every grudge held on to is a burden that will weigh you down in virtually every field of your life: your relationships, your work, your energy, and especially your happiness. A grudge will distort you, weaken you, sap you, poison you.

“Anyone who angers you controls you.” -Confucius

If you seek health and happiness, if you want control over your life, you need to rid yourself of animosity.

Think of yourself as a rag, and your grudge as a hazardous chemical solution made up of contempt, bitterness, spite, and maybe even a little vendetta. And you’re soaking in it. Every second of exposure to your grudge will eat away at you. Anything you come in contact with will be tainted by it.

Think of forgiveness as the hands that wring you out.

Forgiveness is a universal tool exemplified throughout historical culture and tradition. Words on the healing teachings of forgiveness can be seen in…

Buddhism

“It is natural for the unwise to harm others. Getting angry with them is like resenting a fire for burning.” -Shantideva

Christianity

“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, ‘Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?’ Jesus answered, ‘I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.’” -Matthew 18: 21-22

Sikhism

“Dispelled is anger as forgiveness is grasped.” -Guru Amar Das Ji

Judaism

“Who takes vengeance or bears a grudge acts like one who, having cut one hand while handling a knife, avenges himself by stabbing the other hand.” -Jerusalem Talmud, Nedarim 9.4

Islam

“For me to regret after having pardoned someone is more beloved to me than to feel regret after punishing someone.” -Ja’far ibn Muhammad

What forgiveness is:
•An antidote
•A constant practice
•A powerful tool.

What forgiveness is NOT:
•Easy or simple
•Letting anyone off the hook
•The end of it

Forgiveness is hard – extraordinarily hard. The hardest forgiveness is toward those who are not even sorry. Sometimes it feels like certain people do not deserve it. Some do not even want to be forgiven. Many of us have been through some traumatic, unforgettable things. The point is not to forget – it is to recover.

You aren’t doing this for them. You are doing this for you.

The act of forgiveness is not like waving a magic wand and making our problems disappear, or make what happened to us “okay”. It’s not okay. There are indefinite amounts of injustices and darknesses that plague the world and demand our attention. There are certainly things worth fighting against – but our battles cannot be fought properly as long as darkness clouds our minds.

“This world is in deep trouble, from top to bottom. But it can be swiftly healed by the balm of love.” -Rumi

Most importantly, we must forgive ourselves. We must not let the negativity instilled in us remain. Within each and every one of us is powerful light. We must tap in to this light, shine it brightly, and dispel the darkness – lighting the path for not only ourselves, but others.

Finally, remember always that what is will not always be. We can work together to shape the way we treat one another. No matter your religion, belief, or lack thereof, do not lose faith in that.

“Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.” -Oscar Wilde